This beautiful city

.

What he does to me I can not put in words

He assures me that I am not here alone. He doesn't tell me what he wants, neither do I. He touches my soul in the right place. His mind games are not worth leaving him all together. He plays mind games with me and I go away but deep in my soul, I would understand why he does what he does.

Explosion

As if he was anticipating me from way back with an assertiveness I found new in him. I have been languid to the point of impracticality lately. He had lost so much weight. I trembled in his sure embrace. [TSB]

Coffin

Is there such thing as coincidence? Is it an accident that we know each other?
There was once a time I had somebody.
It's not true what they say about waking up.
The dream you had, now has part of you.
There was once a time when I had somebody. There was once a time.
Can you tell there's something I am not telling you?
I can tell by the sound of your voice that there is something you're not telling me too.
Are you there?
I can not leave messages. Will you pick the messages up from the wind next time? Will you?
Don't you know there is no such thing as accident?
There was once a time, once a time, when I had somebody.

Tea Pot in Tea Dot

How can I kill him not in physical reality but in the reality of my mind and then have no guilt thereafter? I mean you know how these criminals get devastated for life because they have taken the life of someone and so become suicidal for the rest of their lives? Should I get a prescription for doctor for deletion of memory? Maybe I should talk to a computer tech junkie instead or a professional software developer for memory deletion? I will ask the police or a court lawyer for their opinions on whether killing one and saving a thousand is better than not killing and killing. What? No, wipe this out of your mind, are you out of your mind? Okay, deep breathe. Deep breathe. Now. Have fun. Live it up high. Okay, that was easy. Bye now.

ForeFathers

Black coals turn gray with fire
Black hair turn gray with age
Ashes to ashes
wind to wind
soil to soil
Where do I go?
Water to water

To the ace of my heart

Ever whirling carousel twirling in a hollow space like a harmonic mystery
My only lonely wheel spinning around the fortune wheel in my silent dreamland
My madness in defeated love clashing his invincible reason in madness
Steamy summer storms snowballing down the steep hill of insanity
Running rings around the fingers of your forgotten hands
My love for you is a withering rose meandering in the wind

Microscopy course

Two Practicums done. Two left to do. A seminar presentation. A written essay. A final exam. All pending. Learnt alot but not enough yet. Can't wait till it's over.

Teaching assistantship

Lots of papers to mark. Due tomorrow. I am tired. Don't like the whole thing all too much. Need a break. Will be done by the end of July. Can't wait.

IODA Project

Under pressure before it arrives home. Deadlines. Mixed feeling of nervousness and excitation. It's great I am co-supervising others to help me do it all. Long-term outcome so requiring extreme intrinsic motivation.

Feelings

A stimulation that could fire me to the sky and pull me into the ground does not make a difference to me anymore. They say too much will kill you at the end, I think am dead already. I died long time ago.
But all of my life I will have feelings!

Real Mount

I was feeling used because I could've easily flew. That way, I would leave and arrive at a reasonable time. It was my own choice though. Why do I chose to suffer before my eyes? It was pretty dark and I was feeling the coldness in my bones, wishing for a jacket from the hands of a stranger sitting beside me. Once the bus came, I walked to the very back and sat beside a guy whose face I could not see. He said something to me but I just nodded without really hearing him. I didn't want to be nice and so keep on with a conversation for seven hours. That's when my Ipod come handy. I blast a music and pretend I am shut down from the world of realities just so I can avoid pointless conversations with a stranger on the bus. It was really dark inside. I fell asleep shortly after the bus started moving and forgot to text him the new time of my arrival. He had been waiting there, standing, for two hours before my arrival because of my forgetfulness. He was so nice to me. We walked in the streets towards the hotel in the quiet night. I had a hot tea and crashed on the bed for the two hours that I had. I could hear sharp clicks of his mouse throughout though. I don't know if I was really sleeping but when I woke up and took a shower I was feeling better. The breakfast was phenomenal, fresh and rich and creamy and hot and welcoming. We then said bye. The meeting made me more motivated to get things done. I called him once at night and we hanged out at a theater after-party smoking our lives away. The music was good. There were a couple of lights on the ground where many butterflies had gathered, spending three seconds in the light and three seconds outside the sphere. From Hawaii to Alaska in a sip of red wine. The night had a whirl of enigma. I felt like a sorcerer in the crowd, dancing my way though the actors, who can both dance and act at the same time. Actors have the power of speech and silence, but dancers have no power other than their movement. Our conversation was alluring. I couldn't help but open my mind to new ways of seeing. We walked back to the hotel humming some songs that linger in brain awhile after their presence. I was worried for my day on the spot, so got locked up in the bathroom. He got me out. What if he wasn't there and I died in the bathroom before I could appear on the stage? I am sure I would've gone to heaven if I had died. No one was waiting for me outside anyways, well, maybe except for a dozen. He saved me again. Why does he do that? He said I tossed and turned many times throughout the night. It must have been my nervousness. He woke me up and left himself. The big day arrived. My heart was pumping too much blood to my vocal cord and made my voice shake with every beat. The audience laughed at me or my presentation twice. That was a good sign. I enjoyed the dinner with live a cello and piano duo. Everyone was there. I felt awkward schmoozing but gave myself the comfort of thinking everyone else hated schmoozing as much as I did so there was no point to be sulky about it. Met him at the fashion show and formula car racing. I won an award. Ate. Home. Sweet. Home.