End of the world 2012

Dear readers, I would like to get your feedback if there's anyone who reads me here. I have been recently re-thinking the purpose of this blog. I need new purposes and meanings to write and improve therefore I would appreciate any feedback from you. You could comment under anonymous or give me the honor of knowing your name. At this point, I doubt I have any audience at all. Happy end of the world, if there is any. Otherwise, life must go on so happy holidays (Christmas and New Year). I have the pleasure of being in the warmth of my family during that time. Hope you enjoy yours, wherever you are, whoever you are.

-

I think I am growing a tumor dear Diary. If I don't come back, I'm being treated.

Hope it's not cancerous. Wish me luck.

12-12-12

Before I begin, I'd like to acknowledge that I am not a psychologist and this merely is a humble opinion, perhaps not just of mine, but through my channel. Okay, I've been thinking and observing how some lives are completely based on one emotion. You get angry, frustrated, helpless, helpful, happy, loud, quiet, noisy, talkative at a relatively young age due to being part of certain life events that weren't really your choice and get fixated on those reactions because they served you well at that instance and you survived. Then you base all of your life on those certain intricate emotional states and they become your safe zone, your refuge, your haven. And then they run you instead of you choosing and running them. I've seen a sweet 55 year old man whose life was entirely based on a rebel against his mother's opinion to get married. Or lawyers who are so desperately unhappy he would cling to any other person to release his anger. These make me think that the seven sins mentioned in the bible are real challenges we deal with and hey, you, yes, you, I know who you are, let's break free.

Hitchcock

A love story between influential filmmaker Alfred Hitchcock and wife Alma Reville during the filming of Psycho in 1959. Amazing hilarious brilliant script and another genius movie about a movie. 

Not all silent movies have silent messages.

Greed 
1924 American silent film written and directed by Erich von Stroheim and based on the 1899 novel McTeague by naturalist writer Frank Norris, one of the greatest silent movies ever made and to be risen up to American Heritage Film Archives. 

Letters to father Jaakob.

Finnish (for lack of better words).

To ponder...

Knowledge is a deadly friend

When no one sets the rules

Volker Schlondorff

Young Torless and his obsession with imaginary numbers...has obsessed me. 

Recently on my menu

Nightmare...unpleasant dreams recur due to emotional responses to fears, anxieties, despairs, and great sadness.

The Sleep of Reason Produces Monsters(Francisco de Goya, c.1797)

The Nightmare (Henry Fuseli, 1781)

Dia De La Muertos

...it has passed already!

Carnivale

A mythology story has it that a creature of light and a creature of darkness is born into each generation preparing for a final battle.

What is your creature's avatar in this traveling carnival of life?

After a night with Kidlat Tahimik...

“someday, you will see the quiet strength of bamboo”

But then again, in the rational world of thought, this sentence means zero.

Happy November

Happy. 

Hollow Eve

Eve of Hollows

Enlightenment

I am recently thinking that enlightenment, most often than not, comes in very quiet undisturbed ways. For instance, a glance, a smile, a silence, a hysterical laugh, a touch, a kiss! Okay, I will stop dramatically romanticizing as always. Good-bye.

Journey by moonlight - read!

“If I were a woman, and had to choose between the two of us, I too would have chosen you without hesitation and Erzi surely loves you for being just the sort of person you are – so utterly withdrawn and abstracted that you have no real relationship with anybody or anything, like someone from another planet, a Martian on earth, someone who never really notices anything . . . who never pays proper attention when others speak, who often seems to act out of vague goodwill and politeness as if playing at being human.” Antal Szerb in Journey by Moonlight

Stay tuned

I will come back here and write about ten days of my life (Oct. 5, 2012 - Oct. 15, 2012). Serious!

Missing

Saw the core center of my mother and my father with my mind's eye
I miss them dearly, truly, deeply like never before in ways never experienced 

Riddle

Something a shepherd hears that the king doesn't in his throne and the people don't in the cities and the kids don't in their yards and that's his own echo

10-11-12

The date is right, the day is right, the night is right, everything goes right when you're in love as the saying goes.

.

I cry.

For our constant forgetting.

I cry.

Dark October

They say souls of the deceased still hang around until the end of Harvest Month and revenge, torment, blame, flame, and ridicule the living. This goes on until the first of November. The souls need masks so no one realizes they are dead and their victims won't recognize them.

...I am in search of a mask for the hollow eve...
Who shall I be other than myself? who can I be?
Who will you be?
I will see you on the other side of paradise. 

Recently..

Avengers

Hunger game

Mirror Mirror

Daisies

The Golden door

Dictator

-The man in gray flannel suit

Pulp fiction

Dead man

Cabin in the wood

Marley

Dark Shadow

Hemingway and Gelhorn

Dark night
Rick
Zabriskie point
Fallen Sparrow
League of extraordinary gentlemen
Songs and Isolation
Visitation
Threnody
Valerie and her week of wonders
-To Kill a mockingbird
-Roman Holiday
-Arabesque
-The keys of the kingdom
-The snows of Kilimanjaro
Moonrise Kingdom
Motorcycle Diaries
Who's afraid of Virginia Wolf?
Picasso
The Taming of the Shrew

To my mom

I haven't been neglecting writing here. I actually missed coming back and writing but there reasons for the delay has been two-folds. One is that I had forgotten my passwork for entry into my own site for the past week and have been attempting several  times until I finally succeded. But secondly, and more importantly, I have been mostly observing things around me. So there has been many pictures of my experiences, people around me, objects, buildings, landscapes, movies, etc. Travel to San Francisco and then Berkeley has been one of the best experiences of my life time, unforeseening and unforeseemingly. I have come to see who I was in Toronto and Tehran from a distance. The space from Tehran and Toronto and then to San Francisco has always been in my unconsciousness and has always been directing my actions, dreams, behaviours, and language without having been materialized in reality. It's amazing how calm I have become. Is this love that I am feeling? I have found many things in my mind and have organized many events and languages and behaviours in closets that can be nicely categorized with no inconvenience and without having been taking for granted. Everything is justified and then some more. Sometimes, there's this immense feeling of missing my home and my mom, above all. A missing feeling that's never been found in my dictionary, heart, nor mind. A missing of all things I've missed and all things I haven't missed. I don't regret anything. No, I just miss. I miss alot, to the core, to the bone. My eyes become watery many times without knowing.  

---

Plato's Cave AllegoryPrometheus, bringer of knowledge
Hermes, god of travel

Elephile readers

Slacking in writing, but active at making lists, organizing thoughts, developing trust, enjoying companions, thinking about projects, prospects, properties, music...music...music...muse.
Here's where I am archiving some pictures: elephile.tumblr.com

Happy New Year

It is 6:00 am and I have drunken and drugged to the anticipated extent...
So why am I sitting here, hours later, trying to derive similar action from another company...